ABOUT THE WASHINGTON HUDDLE
ABOUT THE WASHINGTON HUDDLE
The Nation’s Most Trusted Source for Sports News We Made Up
The Washington Huddle was founded in 2024 on a simple premise: that sports journalism had become too serious, too accurate, and frankly too well-researched. We set out to fix that.
Since our founding, The Washington Huddle has delivered hard-hitting, completely fictional sports coverage to readers across the nation who deserve better than the truth. Our commitment to journalistic integrity is matched only by our commitment to making things up.
We cover the NFL, NBA, fantasy football, and any other sport our correspondents feel like opining about regardless of their qualifications.
OUR MISSION
To cover sports with the seriousness it deserves by holding athletes, coaches, and franchise owners accountable for things we completely made up.
OUR STAFF
Dorothea “Dot” Kessler — Senior Feline Correspondent
“If it doesn’t have whiskers, it doesn’t have her coverage.”
Dot joined The Washington Huddle after her cat Mr. Whiskers accidentally changed the channel to a Detroit Lions game and changed both their lives forever. She covers the Lions, Tigers, Bengals, Panthers, Jaguars, and any other team with the good sense to name themselves after a cat. Dot submits all articles via fax and has never once missed a deadline, largely because she sets her alarm for 4:45am and has nowhere to be. She shares her home office with Mr. Whiskers, Mr. Fluffington, Sir Pounce, and Barbara.
Chad Harrington III — Lead Anchor & Senior Analyst
“Trusted. Accurate. Undeniably Handsome. Two of three guaranteed.”
Chad has been in sports journalism for 27 years and considers himself its finest practitioner. A graduate of the Westbrook School of Broadcasting — an institution whose accreditation status remains, at best, unclear. Chad brings an unshakeable confidence to every story he covers, regardless of whether he has read it beforehand. His voice has been described as “rich,” “mahogany,” and “technically a public health concern in three states.” He has a framed photo of himself on his desk. He is the only one in the photo. He considers this appropriate.
Ray “The Gut” Gunderson — Fantasy Football Analyst & Waiver Wire Specialist
“2011 Fantasy Champion. Never Forgotten. Never Letting You Forget.”
Ray won his fantasy football league in 2011 and has spent the subsequent thirteen years attempting to replicate that success using a proprietary system called the Gunderson Matrix, which is a napkin with some circles on it. Ray makes all fantasy recommendations based on gut instinct, moon phases, and a pregame ritual he declines to describe in detail. His picks have a documented accuracy rate that he disputes. Ray is one waiver wire pickup away from greatness and has been for over a decade. His wife could not be reached for comment as she has requested not to be reached for comment.
Pradeep Nambiar — Advanced Metrics & Analytics Correspondent
“The numbers don’t lie. You just don’t understand them.”
Pradeep holds degrees in statistics, applied mathematics, and sports analytics from institutions that definitely exist. He joined The Washington Huddle after determining that mainstream sports media was not using enough regression analyses, a problem he has since personally corrected. Pradeep’s articles average 3,800 words, 14 charts, and one conclusion that was obvious to everyone before he started writing. He considers this efficient. He has never once used the word “vibes” without visible discomfort.
DeMarcus “Showtime” Paxton — General Sports Correspondent & NBA Insider
“I’ve been on the floor. I know what it takes. Briefly.”
DeMarcus was selected 2nd overall in the 2009 NBA Draft amid what scouts described as “unprecedented hype” and what DeMarcus describes as “destiny.” Over the course of 11 seasons he signed 23 ten-day contracts across 14 different NBA franchises (a league record he is genuinely proud of) and has had engraved on a trophy he commissioned himself. He averaged 2.1 points, 0.8 rebounds, and 0.4 assists per game, numbers he insists are “misleading due to limited minutes and frankly a series of personal vendettas by various coaching staffs.” The defining moment of his career came on February 14th, 2013, a date he refers to as “The Incident”, when he was called up from the G League, checked in a game during the third quarter, committed two fouls in 47 seconds, and was waived before the final buzzer. The official box score lists his stat line as: 0 points, 0 rebounds, 2 fouls, and one technical for “prolonged arguing about the fouls.” He disputes all of it. DeMarcus joined The Washington Huddle after being asked to leave three different sports radio stations for “going off script,” “refusing to discuss any sport other than his own career,” and in one case “arriving at the wrong station entirely.” He covers general sports with the confidence of a man who once shook hands with LeBron James at an airport and considers that a professional connection. He owns 23 ten-day contract plaques. They are the first thing you see when you enter his home.
Kylie Danvers — Culture, Vibes & Breaking News Correspondent
“Covering sports. Reading rooms. Feeling energy.”
Kylie came to sports journalism following a TikTok about a quarterback’s “energy” that received 2.3 million views and resulted in three brand deals, a podcast, and what she describes as “a spiritual awakening about third down conversions.” She covers sports through the lens of aesthetics, auras, and whether a team’s uniforms are “giving.” Kylie’s articles are consistently the most read on this website. Chad Harrington III is aware of this. Chad Harrington III does not care for it.
A NOTE ON ACCURACY
The Washington Huddle is a satirical publication. All articles are fictional. Any resemblance to actual sports journalism is coincidental and frankly a little concerning.
The Washington Huddle does not accept responsibility for fantasy football decisions made based on Ray Gunderson’s recommendations. Ray does not accept responsibility either, but for different reasons.
DeMarcus Paxton’s ten-day contract record has been independently verified by DeMarcus Paxton.
— The Editors
