DETROIT, MI — In what witnesses are calling the most lopsided altercation in the history of professional ice hockey, Detroit Red Wings enforcer Cody “The Freight Train” Bukowski was involved in a fight Friday night that medical staff, league officials, and several horrified zamboni operators are describing as “a horrible ass whooping.”
His opponent, Edmonton Oilers left wing Darius Washington, was uninjured.
“Typically in hockey you see two guys grab each other, throw some punches, maybe lose a helmet, and go to their respective penalty boxes with their dignity mostly intact,” said NBC Sports analyst Dave Freemont, who has been covering hockey since February. “What happened out there tonight was something different. What happened out there tonight was an ass whooping.”
Bukowski, 28, who entered the game listed at 6’2″ and 218 pounds, was removed from the ice in a manner that witnesses struggled to describe accurately. Washington, who stands 5’11” and is listed in the team program as a “defensive specialist,” landed what officials counted as fourteen unanswered punches before Bukowski’s skates, according to one rinkside reporter, “simply gave up.”
“I’ve seen a lot of things in my career,” said DeMarcus “Showtime” Paxton, reached for comment despite not being present at the game. “I once committed two fouls in 47 seconds in the NBA. I know what it feels like to be out there and have things go badly very quickly. What happened to Bukowski was worse than that. And mine was pretty bad.”
Bukowski was helped off the ice by three teammates, a trainer, and a fan who had jumped the glass “out of instinct,” according to arena security. He was listed as day-to-day, a designation his teammates acknowledged was “optimistic.”
Washington, who skated calmly to the penalty box afterward and spent his two scrolling Instagram declined to comment on the fight specifically but confirmed “he’s good”.
“Darius is a quiet guy,” said Oilers head coach Paul Renner. “He doesn’t say much. He just handles things.”
The NHL’s Department of Player Safety announced it would review the incident, primarily to determine whether what occurred constituted a fight under the league’s official definition, or whether an entirely new category needed to be created.
Bukowski has since requested a trade. The Red Wings are reviewing the request. Washington has already forgotten the incident entirely.
At press time, Bukowski’s agent had released a statement describing his client as “a fighter”, a characterization Friday’s events did not support.
DeMarcus “Showtime” Paxton, General Sports Correspondent & NBA Insider
“I’ve been on the floor. I know what it takes. Briefly.”