LOS ANGELES, CA — LeBron James has officially left Earth’s atmosphere to sign a multi-year deal with the newly formed Andromeda Basketball Association, sources confirm, ending months of speculation about where the 41-year-old superstar would spend the twilight of his career.
The deal, reportedly worth “several galaxies,” makes James the first human athlete to compete professionally outside of Earth’s orbit, a move he described as “just the next step in the legacy.”
“People said I couldn’t do it,” James said in a statement transmitted back to Earth via a signal that took several days to arrive and was mostly static. “They said the gravity would be different. They said I’d be 41,000 light years from my podcast equipment. I heard all that noise. I’m still here. Or there. Wherever I am now.”
League sources close to the situation — specifically one source, a man who once shook LeBron’s hand at LAX and has described himself ever since as “basically family” — confirmed the move makes sense for a player chasing what remains of his legacy.
“He’s got the four rings. He’s got the scoring record. What’s left? Honestly? Space,” the source said. “I told him that myself. At the airport. He nodded.”
The Andromeda Basketball Association, founded six weeks ago by a consortium of beings whose exact physical composition remains unclear, reportedly outbid several NBA teams by offering James “unlimited minutes,” “a moon,” and “softer landing on dunks due to lower gravitational pull.”
Lakers fans expressed mixed reactions to the news. “I always knew he was out of this world,” said one fan outside Crypto.com Arena, who then immediately apologized for the pun and left.
James is expected to make his interplanetary debut next month in what league officials are calling “the first game ever played that humans cannot attend, watch, or verify happened.”
Asked whether he would consider returning to Earth for a farewell tour, James’s transmission grew faint before cutting out entirely. The final words received were: “…tell Bronny I—”
The signal has not resumed.
— DeMarcus “Showtime” Paxton, General Sports Correspondent & NBA Insider
“I’ve been on the floor. I know what it takes. Briefly.”
